Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
