hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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