i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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