I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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