she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
