If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
