dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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