found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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