i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
