I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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