Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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