so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The uberlube is also flammable
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
