I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
