So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
