I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
