saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize