Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
