she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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