life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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