found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
