Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
