i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
