I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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