I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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