So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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