it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
