I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
