Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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