Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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