I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
