I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
