My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Drunk is not a location!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
