i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
