and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
