my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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