Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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