I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
