If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
