He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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