I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
