I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
