i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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