Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
