I just made out with a guy for $7.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He better not be in your backpack
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
