my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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