It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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