Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
