hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
