If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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