Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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